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Janelle Villapando has been swiping left and right for years and in that time, she's noticed a few patterns among the men she meets. Janelle Villapando January 3, Washboard-Abs-No-Face and unsolicited dick pics that most women, unfortunately, receive. But searching for Mr. In terms of looks, I prefer taller guys. They view me as exotic, a kink, something new to try. But I finally reached my limit when one of my dates bumped into someone he knew when we were together. His silence told me exactly how much I meant to him.
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After realizing that I deserved so much better and was wasting my time with these guys, I stopped giving them attention. These are men who find me attractive, but are initially hesitant because of my trans-ness. One guy in particular seemed to really like me. We vibed well and there was sexual tension building during our dates. Then poof, he was gone. I had another similar experience on a first date where a man greeted me, hugged me, then said he left something in his car.
After a couple of minutes, I got a text from him while waiting alone at our table that said he had to leave because my transgender status was giving him anxiety. After that, I stopped chasing guys who were too concerned about their feelings to even think about mine. Thanks to Tinder, profile pictures say more than a thousand words—and actual words seem to be irrelevant on our profiles. For some people, reducing sexuality to a simple question of 'genital preference' is reductive, exclusionary and yes, transphobic.
How so? Well, consider the trans-rights mantra that 'transwomen are women'. It means that someone who feels themselves to be a woman, who says they are a woman, is a woman, full stop. Some women have penises: get over it.
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That raises many questions, including about sexual attraction. The simple fact that the study used the term is telling, since not everyone accepts the term. You might not be completely flabbergasted to learn that That author is Karen Blair. To give her full bio, she is an Assistant Professor of Psychology at St. In a blog , Blair has been pondering her findings and what they tell us about how tolerant we are.
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Refusing to consider dating trans people, Blair suggests, contributes to trans people suffering mental and physical harm:. Why might people be reluctant to consider dating trans people?
And what does Blair suggest we all do about this? The — delicately implied — answer might not surprise you:. Got that?
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Toleration doesn't just mean treating transgender people fairly and equally, ensuring they have the same rights, freedoms and entitlements as anyone else. It means being willing to have sex with people, not on the basis of the body and genitals they have, but because of the gender they say they are. It means that straight men who exclusively seek sexual partners with vaginas should instead expand their 'prospective dating pool' to include people who describe themselves as women and just happen to have penises.
It means that lesbians who incline towards sex with people who have vaginas, also need to widen their horizons and be open to sex with women who have penises.
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If you want to be really progressive and inclusive, you know what to do. Here, a thought experiment is in order. Try to imagine this line of argument being pursued in a different context, away from the transgender debate.
Imagine someone making a serious and sustained argument of the following sort:. What would we think about that argument? What words would we use to describe these notions and the people who promote them?
I leave it to others to answer that question. So what? Is one short, silly blog by a non-famous junior academic worthy of attention?